Hitman


There have been two great cinematic disappointments for me this year. The first being Black Sheep and the second HITMAN.

See...I'm a trailer hound. I watch every new trailer that comes out and annoy everyone who knows me by emailing them links or making coworkers crowd into my cubicle for the next great coming soon. Lets just admit it...trailer making is its own art form.

Anyway, that being said I thought the Hitman trailer looked pretty sweet. The haunting opera music, slow motion gun fights, bar codes tattooed on bald heads, Timothy Olyphant gliding across tables and out windows, a shell balancing on end...you know the trailer. 

To make it worse I got into a huge discussion with Z on the way to the theater. He had just found out the movie was based off a video game and although ten minutes prior was excited but now making "pshhh" noises and rolling his eyes. I defended Hitman for three miles and two stop lights. "Andy have you seen the trailer!? It looks awesome!!" He agreed but his prejudgments on the video game movie industry remained concrete and this really bugged me for some reason.

Well I stand corrected Andy, your an oak. There was not one redeemable attribute, scene, or shot to the entire movie. A total waste of time and money if we would've paid. But sense time is money...

I do not find it ironic that after returning home from the movie I was Mac trucked with migraine headache and throwing up in the toilet for hours. Coincidence?

Reviewed by: shea
3 Comment(s)
Chris said...
I understand your dissapointments, but for me I found this movie to be nothing more and nothing less than I expected, some clean action, pointless gun violence and a great main character. I say a 2 at least, my giving self would at least put it at 2.5.
Shea said...
No way man... this was the worst movie I saw all of last year! It was so bad I got a migraine afterwords. There was almost nothing worth while. Not even with Desmond in it.
Andy said...
I knew it was going to be bad when a comic-book guy type got up and left shortly after it started. Great main character?!? That was the flattest, most boring performance imaginable. Terrible acting and dialogue, confusing and pointless story, no memorable action scenes... The perfect example of a great looking trailer and sucky movie.