10000 BC

10000 BC tells a story that's been told 10000 times. A chosen "one" is the only "one" who will overcome a great and all mighty evil. No doubt he doubts he is "the one" and his secret fuel to success is a lost love that ultimately is the straw that breaks the evil's back. A mix of Apocalypto, 300, and Jurassic Park...doesn't sound bad does it? Well trust me when I tell you Roland Emmerich takes only the souls of these films and like any deadly sin transforms the heart creating only something ugly, boring, and time wasted.


The story flows like a broken sidewalk. Cracked and jagged... pieces of dialogue bridging scenes and story arcs as randomly as the grass between the cracks. Bump after bump the characters force their way along leaving your knee bopping with the wrong kind of anticipation.


Steven Strait as the caveman hero reminded me of German actor Henry Brandon playing a Native American chief in The Searchers. I don't know...just wasn't buying it. Caucasian and English speaking Indians just don't do it for me. If your gonna give me a caveman give me the ones in the opening scene of The X-Files movie. Heck...give me the Gieco guys for crying out loud.


Some of the special effects were cool and that's the only reason this film earns its one star. The elephants looked great as did the saber toothed feline. There was one cool scene when the slaves first enter the jungle. Something rustles through the overgrowth reminding me of my The Lost World raptor excitement. But soon the creatures emerge only to be a flock of hungry ostrich type characters with annoying squawks and goofy chases.


Let's speak plainly here...we all knew it was going to suck and I went into it knowing it was going to suck. I guess I just needed a vacation from the real world...a little trip into the prehistoric...but I wasn't even granted that.

Reviewed by: shea
7 Comment(s)
martha said...
hahah... i thought this looked pretty terrible. in fact, a friend of mine saw it and called it "the best comedy of the year" hahahaha
Shea said...
I wouldn't say comedy...i didnt laugh...I sighed a lot though.
Andy said...
I'm so glad you were out of town when you saw this. Is "From the director of Independence Day and Day After Tomorrow" supposed to be a warning?
Shea said...
Hey now...Independence Day was great as a 13 year old boy...
Wow, I've heard nothing but terrible things about this movie. I nearly went to see it in the theatre last week before checking out what others were saying about it. (which I don't normally do) Thanks goodness I did though.

By the way, just got your dvd in the mail, I'll be doing a review of the whole thing on my site once I've seen them all.
ok. I'll be the scapegoat. I'll be that man you love to hate in the corner pushing his glasses up as he tries to explain how Jurassic Park "could really happen", and Episode I got a bad rap.

Maybe it's because I had such low expectations, but I didn't hate this movie. I just saw it (nearly a month after it came out on DVD) last night. I was putting it off since I heard such beatings for it.

First of all they are Mammoths not Elephants, and in my opinion the highlight of the film. the best portrayal of that particular animal I've ever seen. I loved all the herd/instinct elements to them, and the "trapping of the bull" scene... very believable. I wished there was more "spear-tooth", but I didn't mind the birdies. I really enjoyed the final scene with the pyramid and the showdown with "the god". And I found myself caring more about the english speaking natives then I did for Mel's Apocolypto... ooh blasphemy... that's right I said it... sue me.

This wasn't an amazing movie, might not have even been "good", but I enjoyed it... in the same way I enjoyed Die Hard 4, AVP, Deep Blue Sea etc. I liked the mythical element to the 4 legged demons, the birds (corsair ships), "the god", all the prophecies, etc...

I wish the 4 legged demons had been Sabre tooths and not simply men on horses.

I would probably give it a 2.5 out of 5...

Hate to disagree with Sheamus, but hey... "HE IS NOT A GOD!!!" (spear through the chest)

Shea said...
2.5? Get out of my face Flanny!