Fantastic? More like the Lethargic Four
Fantastic Four 2: Rise of the Silver Surfer sucks... a lot.
(June 15) In 2005, director Tim Story (Taxi
) gave the world a gift. The gift was ‘Fantastic Four,
' a film adaptation on the popular Marvel comic book franchise. Unfortunately, all those who received this atrocious excuse for a present immediately searched for their receipt in a desperate attempt to return it.
With its goofy, absurd story (complete with unexplainable, bewildering plot holes), ‘Fantastic Four' made the shiny, impenetrable armor of Marvel's film franchise weak and vulnerable to attacks. It would go on to do well at the box office, which as we all know, is the true indicator of a first-class film (these days, anyway).
With that being said, the people over at Fox Studios decided it would be a good idea to keep Tim Story involved with a sequel project. Lets get this out of the way right now - Tim Story hasn't made a good film in his whole pathetic career. Who thought it would be a good idea to get the director of ‘Barbershop'
to do a superhero film? I wish I knew so I could strangle them with my bare hands.
Anyway, Armageddon didn't happen this year (unfortunately) and the release of ‘Fantastic Four 2: Rise of the Silver Surfer'
was inescapable. This time around Marvel combined another popular franchise and introduced the Silver Surfer to movie audiences around the world. Look, I love the Surfer, he's one of my favorite characters. It's ill-fated he didn't get his own film and instead was forced into participating in this torturous exercise in bad writing and even worse acting.
I guess this is the part of the review where I have to talk about the story - the plot of the film (if that's what you want to call it). It goes a little something like this: The Fantastic Four's greatest villain, Dr.Doom (Julian McMahon), is dead and life has returned to normal.
Reed Richards (Ioan Gruffudd) and Sue Storm (Jessica Alba) make plans to get married, but are interrupted when cosmically charged herald Silver Surfer (voiced by Laurence Fishburne) and Galactus (a giant cosmic storm that devours planets) show up. As the mysterious Surfer scouts the planet for his master, the Fantastic Four must attempt to stop him before it's too late.
If I told you everything that was bad, poorly done or just plain idiotic about this film, this modest review would quickly turn into an analytical cinematic thesis paper. Tim Story had destroyed the story of the Fantastic Four. For every one thing he does right, he disgraces the fans 27 times over.
Much how Joel Schumacher took things a little too far with 1997's ‘Batman & Robin,
' or even how Brett Ratner shot the ‘X-Men'
series in the foot with ‘X-Men: The Last Stand
' so too has Tim Story destroyed a franchise.‘Fantastic Four 2: Rise of the Silver Surfer'
is filled with kiddy, campy fluff and is easily best suited for minds of that age. Any intelligent life form with a reading level superior to a third grader should stay clear of this pointless waste of time and money.
This film makes ‘Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector'
look like ‘Schindler's List'
- it makes ‘Weekend at Bernie's 3'
look like Shakespeare.
The only good parts of this movie were any time when the Silver Surfer was on the screen - everything else should be avoided. The acting is downright laughable and devoid of any thought or emotion.
This movie is so predictable and cliché, there's really no point in seeing it unless you're into masochism and get pleasure from pain. If that's the case then please do your libido a favor and check out ‘Fantastic Four 2,'
if not - save your money for a good summer film like ‘Transformers.'